Self-publishing was never my plan. I had long looked upon the idea as a
desperate attempt by bad writer’s to purchase their moment of fame. The term “vanity publishing” embodied all that
I thought it could be. A look in the
mirror to boost your ego.
Ten
years of searching for a publisher later, I stumbled on a novel-writing
contest. Yes! I thought.
This is just what I need. But the
end date of the contest had come and gone and there seemed to be no thought of
running the contest again. Another opportunity
lost. But as I was already on the
website, I decided to read more about the idea of publishing on demand.
I have
since publishing four books via this method.
At first, I tried to hide the fact that I had published myself, but it
didn’t take long for those in-the-know to ferret out that little nugget of
information. My first book did surprisingly
well. I couldn’t wait to do more. I had pages of unread material on my computer
and now, at last, an avenue for my work to be read. But I still felt I had failed. I longed to have a publisher. A contract.
A publicity tour.
My
husband recently finished a Master’s degree and along the way, has read aloud
any snippets from the books he reads that have to do with writing. I love hearing what other writer’s say about the
craft. It is always a confirmation of
this work I so enjoy and an inspiration to keep going. Last week, he read me a rather long passage
from Eugene Peterson’s book The Pastor.
Peterson has had a fascinating career as a pastor, professor, and author
of, among other things a best-selling translation of the Bible.
He
writes “I read Emily Dickinson’s pronouncement, ‘Publication is no business of
the poet.’ (Truman) Capote exposed much
of what I had been doing as ‘typing’ – using words to manipulate or inform or
amuse. Dickinson rescued me from a lust
to be published.” (The Pastor, p. 239)
The
words sang through my writer’s soul.
Yes! Being published is not the
goal of my writing. Learning,
discovering, empathizing as I write is the goal. To find a reader is a gift. To have a well-written, deeply felt review is
a trophy. I have found these things in
writing. Most published authors work
another job as well. I am not so
different and there is nothing to be ashamed of in self-publishing. Of course, I wish I could afford a professional
editor, publicist and someone who knows how to make my Kindle versions
error-free, but still readers have found my work and joined my fanciful
stories. To quote Peterson once more “It was a way of writing that involved a good deal of listening, looking around, getting acquainted with the neighborhood. Not writing what I knew but writing into what I didn’t know, edging into a mystery. This, I was learning, was what real writers did.” (p. 238-239) Beautiful. It gives me chills.